​The Philly Cheesesteak has no beef,
The bread it’s on has no wheat,
And the stuff that they call cheese,
Is absolutely dairy free.
 
Yes, you’ll find all you want and more,
On the shelf of the health food store.
                                                  
There are eggless eggs, such a treat,
The fishless tuna’s really neat,
The vegan chicken’s quite a feat,
There’s so much faux for us to eat.
 
And all this lets us grace our table,
Keeps our diet so sustainable.
 
With enzymes, glutens, isolates,
Powders, extracts, protein concentrates,
Fungus, gums, chlorides and phosphates,
Roots get squeezed until they lactate,
 
All this gunk gets brewed and stewed,
To go in a bag that says natural food.

She has pant suits and Benghazi
He has law suits and bankruptcies
 
He conned folks with a phony school
Her email server broke the rules
 
Big scandals she has no lack of
His skin tone is radioactive
 
He molds his hair to a big cocoon
Today she’ll sing who knows what tune
 
On issues she’s said to flip flop
His mad rants are over the top
 
He’s weak on facts he then distorts
She could be Lady Voldemort
 
Glad to see that this election
Gave us such a great selection
 
Through history it’s always been
When voters lose, the comics win

Wi-Fi on the subway platform,
What good is it? I cite,
The P.A. System that just warned,
"Keep cell phones out of sight."

I stepped into a drugstore and Big Google saw me there,
Pinged my phone with whitening strips and toenail fungus care,
Nail clippers with big wide jaws,
Makeup for a facial flaw,
Vitamins for blood plasma,
Free tests for diphtheria,
Big Google must have eyes inside me, so it seems,
Before I get the first itch, I get ads for hemorrhoid creams.

 Thinking of vacation and I took a look at Cannes,
When I left their website, I saw lots of ads for plans,
Airfare that to fit my price,
Must layover for two nights,
A cheap hotel filled with lice,
Café portions made for mice,
Big Google sure must know I don’t have lots to spend,
Every time I browse around, he’s my wallet’s dearest friend.

 Thought I’d do some research on the great apocalypse,
Big Google saw me looking, tried to sell what he thought fits,
Treatises for anarchists,
Canned goods for survivalists,
Chemicals for terrorists,
Whips for sadomasochists,
Big Google could care less about my politic or deed,
He only watches me because he wants all my money.


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