I'm in such a tiff
I just don't know if
I'm a hetero man
​Or a lesbian

The meal is done
But not the stew
Some's leftover
What shall I do?
 
I'm too smart to throw
Good food away
I save it for
Another day.
 
After some time
Who knows how long
I find the stew
It looks all wrong.
 
And now I am
Without a doubt
Too smart to eat that
I throw it out.
 
Leftover stew
Is really nice
What else lets me
Feel too smart twice?

​The Philly Cheesesteak has no beef,
The bread it’s on has no wheat,
And the stuff that they call cheese,
Is absolutely dairy free.
 
Yes, you’ll find all you want and more,
On the shelf of the health food store.
                                                  
There are eggless eggs, such a treat,
The fishless tuna’s really neat,
The vegan chicken’s quite a feat,
There’s so much faux for us to eat.
 
And all this lets us grace our table,
Keeps our diet so sustainable.
 
With enzymes, glutens, isolates,
Powders, extracts, protein concentrates,
Fungus, gums, chlorides and phosphates,
Roots get squeezed until they lactate,
 
All this gunk gets brewed and stewed,
To go in a bag that says natural food.

She has pant suits and Benghazi
He has law suits and bankruptcies
 
He conned folks with a phony school
Her email server broke the rules
 
Big scandals she has no lack of
His skin tone is radioactive
 
He molds his hair to a big cocoon
Today she’ll sing who knows what tune
 
On issues she’s said to flip flop
His mad rants are over the top
 
He’s weak on facts he then distorts
She could be Lady Voldemort
 
Glad to see that this election
Gave us such a great selection
 
Through history it’s always been
When voters lose, the comics win

On my block in New York City

The rules could not be plainer,
The city’s very strict, you see

‘bout separate trash containers.

Metals, glass and plastics you
Must keep a week at a time,
Or the garbage cops will stick you

With a nasty little fine.

It really gets a tad bizarre


With garbage food has been in,
They say that bottles, cans and jars

‘fore tossing we should rinse them.
​
I hear that reservoirs are low


Fresh water’s getting scarce,
But I live in New York City, so
I have to wash my trash.